Fish are underrated as friendship material

So I’m getting along great with my new buddy Salomon the Headless Salmon. If your exposure to Flipside can just leave you with one of the endless nuggets of wisdom that have been expressed in this publication, it’s this: your truest friends are often those you wake up in a bathtub with two weeks after a New Year’s Eve party.

He doesn’t complain, and he agrees with me in nearly everything. If I am to point out one flaw in his otherwise perfect being, it is the fact that he doesn’t have a head. I mean, when I try to make a profound statement about the nature of life, arts and love to a friend you usually employ a direct, solemn gaze into the eyes of the recipient in order to give my deliverance some force, pondus and gusto. Because of the general lack of the cranium in which the eyes are usually situated, I’m not sure whether Salomon really gets what I’m trying to say to him at any given point.

Then again, the unfortunate state of him not having a head is by and large caused by yours truly, as the evidence points to the conclusion that I at one point during my black out utilized it to remedy my peckishness. Therefore, we have agreed that no one is really to blame for his deficiencies as a conversational partner, and have resolved to work around this as best we can. This, ladies and gentlemen, is how true friends behave.