I’ve recently taken up running. I hate exercise, I don’t enjoy it, it hurts and every body part I have jiggles and turns purple. At home I ran round a field, dodging the mole hills and aggressive dog walkers, swearing as much as I was sweating. Crucially, I picked a flat field: something with no incline, no testing limits of endurance etc.

But at uni, there are a) people everywhere and b) hills. So many hills and dips and slopes and awful things that make me out of breath and hate everyone and everything. So instead I go for the college gym. A subterranean hell hole that is known in the constitution as ‘The Punishment Chamber.’

The Punishment Chamber has one treadmill which was broken the by the second day of term. So I had a go on the newly fixed treadmill; not only was it beautiful silent and quiet in the gym – aside from the sound of my body dying – but the treadmill has a feature where you can run different routes across America. So far I’ve run across Niagara Falls, Old Faithfull and the Maine Coastline. I also found out, that you can go full screen and nearly fell off the treadmill in excitement.

Naturally I bragged to everyone about my super fun runs, only to discover that I had been pronouncing Yosemite (turns out, it isn’t Yoss-e-myte, but Yoss-em-itie. Whatever.) wrong the entire time and that 1 mile in 15 minutes is not generally considered ground breaking.

Thing is though, I can’t really be bothered to do anything else sporty. Because of the sweaty grossness of myself and also because I get insanely competitive and lose friends when I play sport – think Monica and Pictionary.

So although I hate exercise and I hate running. At least I can hate running all by myself.