7 Things to Avoid at College Balls This week’s top tips come from St Chad’s Candlemas Ball.

1. Pre-lash your ass off

Freshers and potentially, older and dafter students beware – give ya stomach some room for the free booze you’ll get later. Drink too much and you will vom on yourself

2. If you have dieted your ass off, eat your ass off.

Believe me, you’ll spend most of the night lying on the floor of St John’s in desperate need of one of those yoghurts with friendly bacteria.

3. Wear bad shoes

Both in terms of design, obvs, and crucially – comfort. You’z gonna be on those badboys all night – unless you get lucky – so ditch the shoe corsets and get some crocs.

4. Wear crocs.

It was a joke: don’t ever do that.

5. Vomit on yourself.

You are gross. Don’t do that. In a vessel, guys, toilet, bucket, wherever – just in a vessel!

6. Kick yourself

Sounds stupid – I did it twice. My foot is now as black as my soul.

7. Do the dirty in the photobooth

Those pictures go online and I have it on good authority that companies get on average of a call a day asking for one of them to be taken down – they never go down, even though you might have done.