Fresher’s week is the best week of your life. Seven nights of unforgettable fun that you never want to end. Social hot spots where you make friends for life … at least that’s what we’re told freshers week is, especially by the 3rd party overpriced wristband sellers. As a fresher myself, that prospect was certainly exciting – especially when you’re stuck in that weird limbo period between results day and moving out. It’s something to look forward to. Something to distract you from the fear of the unknown. It was almost reassuring to hear you have an entire week dedicated to trying to find friends in this alien city during your completely new exciting but terrifying adventure. And for many, orientation week may have vaguely resembled these expectations but for many it may have not.
When considering the logistics of Freshers week (experiencing a new form of independence, being presented with this task of ‘adulting’, socialising with strangers and for many drinking for the first time) then things start to become a little bit more complicated. Some may even say daunting. With the mass of people in a college, I personally found the first freshers’ event to be a little bit like speed dating or a basic informal interview on repeat. Name? Course? Where are you from? Repeat. Despite the college bar feeling small against the crowd, it was near impossible to find a familiar face or someone you had already exchanged your three questions with. Ironically, some may say it was disorientating. Yet, once you break past these initial questions and pleasantries you find the next challenge – discovering people who seemed to have come from alien world compared to yourself.
University and particularly Durham, brings together a wide range of people from diverse backgrounds and cultures who have had utterly different life experiences (and I’m not just talking about the North and South divide). At first it may feel as if the only middle ground you have is the one you’re standing on. One example of this is from an early ‘kitchen convo’ me and my flat mates had. When discussing our favourite bakeries and places to eat one of my flat mates mentioned ‘Gail’s’ the bakery. There was a slight bit of confusion from my other flatmate who recounted they didn’t realise Gail’s the gay club in Birmingham sold food. We then began to create ‘to do lists’ for each other as we found it shocking that each other hadn’t experience what we considered everyday activities in our lives or experiences which we assumed where universal. Most of the things added to these lists are unlikely to be revealed upon these initial conversations had at Freshers events or in brief 3 question quick fire interactions. Even these differences are still fairly surface level. With such a diverse range of people the lessons to learn and conversations to be had are endless. We are handed the opportunity to encounter and form relationships with people we may never done before.
Hence, I have come to the realisation that the pressure I (and I’m sure many other people felt) to instantly make close connections and friends and settle in within days is unreasonable. It’s tricky to properly get to know someone in these short chats at busy events, especially when there are so many extra levels of learning and exploring that come with the experience of Durham University. It’s completely normal to feel even more disorientated after fresher’s week. I certainly do. There are so many different challenges and hurdles to navigate when starting university and for most of these not being conquered or figured out within the first week is maybe one of the only experiences we can assume to share.