Before we start, I have a slight confession to make. I’m studying philosophy mainly to help my mental health. The thought process was this: if anyone knows the meaning of life and how to deal with it, surely, it will be those who spent their lives focused on these questions, and so if I’m to spend three years studying anything it should be this. That (combined with thinking Chidi from the good place had a cool job) is why I’ve ended up here, and so I thought I’d begin a series which shares some of the most meaningful takeaways from philosophy that I’ve found out so far.
After a rough day recently, I thought as a last-ditch I’d try the book at the back of my shelf to see whether there was anything it could contribute. And to my surprise, Epictetus made the world of difference. I was struck by the parallels between the life advice of the ancient Greek stoic, who’d been born into slavery nearly 2000 years ago and modern-day CBT where both involved processes to examine thoughts themselves. The following are some of my biggest takeaways from his works:
Lesson 1: ‘Some things in the world are up to us, while others are not.’
Epictetus discusses how when attempting to control that which is not under our power, we stay, ‘frustrated, pained and troubled.’ On the other hand, when we let go of this mentality and focus on that we can control, no one is able to impede our will. As he states, when analysing any situation, if one of the elements is not up to us, we should aim to respond, “not my business.”
Although this may feel oversimplifying the situation, the degree of separation he is suggesting we have from situations out of our control is invaluable. Taking a step back in such a way is perhaps the only thing which can prevent us feeling overwhelmingly angry, highly anxious etc… when we perceive someone treating us unfairly, neither of which being responses we associate with a sense of individual freedom. True freedom comes from having a will in harmony with nature and is gained through shaping the will to focus on what you practically have power over.
Lesson 2. Whenever you are about to begin something new, remind yourself both of that goal and your overall goal of wellbeing.
I would hazard a guess that many of us as Durham students struggle with focusing on multiple goals especially when it comes to grades. Reminding yourself that as well as hoping for a First, you also wish to keep your will in harmony with nature and this second goal cannot happen if you let yourself be defined by the former – this attitude may be helpful next time it comes to exam season. Keeping a secondary focus of internal peace cuts down the amount of difficulty experienced when you don’t get that grade, as instead of both receiving the mark and experiencing the distress that comes along with it, you can allow yourself to receive the mark but can keep your will in harmony with nature through focusing on how you can improve next time, rather than remaining upset about something which has already happened and is no longer in your power to deal with.
Lesson 3: ‘Never say about anything, “I have lost it”; but say, “I have returned it.”’
Epictetus uses this lesson when reframing grief to focus more on the time that you were lucky to be given with that person, and to think of them less as yours, but more something special you experienced. This far from applies to only to those lost through death: any relationship you enjoyed but is no longer present should be thought about similarly – the mentality allows you to separate yourself, and to appreciate with that person while realising that they were never someone you were entitled to, hopefully making moving on afterwards easier.
Lesson 4: ‘Keep in mind that you cannot expect to get an equal share of the things that are not up to us without doing the same things others have done.’
For those of us that struggle with jealousy, this is a good one. Epictetus uses the example of buying a lettuce – while you may envy the other person for having the lettuce (slightly weird object of envy!) you still have the coin. This is another simple one, but a good reminder nevertheless that for every action you perform, there are both pros and cons. Whether it’s having more time for personal development, meeting someone who’s path you would’ve failed to cross otherwise, or taking a path which, although it may not initially seem like it, is best for you, whenever envy arises it is important to remind yourself that you have the coin. Epictetus uses the example of not being invited to a party – while it is natural to feel rejection, he argues that you have not paid the price of flattering the host and sacrificing your authenticity which is the cost of being invited. While it can be helpful, as he does here, to note the costs of not having been invited, a more positive strategy is appreciating the coin you have left, and the benefits of your situation.
Lesson 5: ‘In all circumstances keep in mind to turn in to yourself and ask what resources you have for dealing with these things.’
This is a message which has been repeated time and time again by everyone, from psychologists who would point to specific coping strategies, to religious leaders who would point to faith. Whatever your internal source of strength, Epictetus’ point that it should be something you hold internally is vitally important for ensuring that whatever the situation is, you will not lose your strength to deal with it or your belief in yourself. He advises drawing up a character that you would like to be, both when by yourself and around others. This advice is worth reflecting on – if you know which traits you would like to draw on and which traits will give you strength, you will at the very least have consistency in yourself, which is a major advantage in challenging times.