At what age are you actually an adult? Is it 16 when your legally allowed to leave school, get a job and consent? Or is it 18 as google claims? Is adulthood really defined by having the ability to vote, buy alcohol and get a mortgage. I question this as a completely lost 19-year-old who despite being able to legally buy alcohol, consent, get a mortgage and vote doesn’t feel ‘adult’ at all. To me adulthood has always been the benchmark of ‘when you get everything figured out’ and weirdly until now I’d always considered myself grown up. I remember feeling boldly as a ten-year-old that the only limit to my independence was how people saw my age. I vividly remember arguing with my mum about walking down to the shop in town on my own in the dark as ‘I’d reached double digits’ I didn’t understand why she was so against the idea (sorry mum). Ironically, I’ve just hung up a phone call with her after having a breakdown at 3:30 am on a Tuesday morning because I had a petty tiff with my boyfriend and started my period. Ten-year-old me would be ashamed. 

So, as I sit here on my floor in my fragile emotionally fried state, I’ve come to a conclusion about what ‘growing up’ is. Growing up isn’t finding out everything, its actually the realisation that you know nothing. This freedom I’d longed for feels less liberating and more like walking on a narrow tight rope on a windy day with no helmet or harness. Sure, some of it is what I expected- I have to budget, do my own washing, cooking and cleaning etc but what I never considered or predicted is the loneliness. The sinking feeling that no one’s coming to save you. Theres no one to come and shout at you for missing a lecture. No one coming to turn all of your distractions of for you. No one tell you what you need to do or be. Theres just simply your own responsibility. Your path is no longer visibly paved in front of you, instead you realise you have to make your own path and choose your own direction. 

This doesn’t just apply to just our career. This also applies to your character, morality, emotions, relationships – absolutely everything.  Although you aren’t the first person to ever experience rejection, disappointment, love or heartbreak it certainly feels like you are. You can try read books, take other people’s advice or even try and mimic someone else’s life but ultimately its everyone’s first time living and there’s no easy way out or quick fix. Each of our journeys are different and we are the only ones that can truly navigate these correctly. To be completely honest I began to write this article out of fear however as I reach its conclusion, I come to realise that perhaps this is my own way of helping to navigate my own journey and path. What’s yours?