The bathroom. A small room built for an everyday necessity. A place that, to many people, holds very little value. But I see it differently. As a girl I seemingly owe a large number of bonding experiences, therapy sessions and friendships to the girl’s bathroom. It sounds silly to say but the bathroom has not only been an essential for my everyday life but also my social life. Now I cannot speak for all boys or for any special connection they may have to the loo but from conversations I’ve had it appears the male restroom doesn’t seem to be the same safe haven that the girl’s bathroom is. Many boys are even confused to why some girls seem to see a trip to the loo as a group excursion.

Since moving to Durham, I have discovered new difficulties that come with forming friendships. As I reflect on my high school and sixth form experience, I accept that to an extent there was a certain social system in place. An almost pack mentality. Everyone seemed to belong to a certain friend group who they sat with at lunch or shared lessons with. There’d be the occasional transgression of strong friendships between members of different circles, but you could neatly place each student into a particular group. University forces you to mature out of this system. Durham University in particular provides diversity and independence in abundance. Everyone is able to be seen as their own entity, with their own background and own stuff going on rather than ‘so and so’s friend’. While this is freeing and almost liberating it does add some complications to creating friendships. Despite Durhams ‘small town’ feel and having regular lectures and tutorials they aren’t quite small enough or regular enough to create an organic friendship. Hence you find yourself tackling friendships in the same way you would when beginning to date someone. I find myself fearing to send the first message, overthinking every word I type and questioning if I’m coming off as ‘too strong’ or ‘interested’. In a way this makes sense, if we want to be friends with someone, we want to make a good impression, but we also want to arrange activities to get to know them . Yet the girl’s bathroom seems to be another world free of these anxieties.

In theory the girl’s bathroom should hold all the same complexities as lecture halls and tutorials and every other interaction we have on campus. It is unlikely you’ll see the same girl again and we should have the same mental battles about what to say or do however I find myself dishing out compliments and finding so many middle grounds with these strangers. I seem to have no issue asking for their snapchat Instagram or even number (sober or not). For some reason this environment allows us to transcend boundaries. Maybe it’s that we see the bathroom as an escape or some kind of separate entity to whatever event or activity is going on outside or maybe it’s just simply the bond of being females and finding union in our everyday lives. Whatever the reason is, I think we need to find a way to translate this energy and mindset to outside of the bathroom. Make all of campus into friendly female-energy-powered safe space.