Yes, I am guilty of it… I too did a “gap yahh” and I won’t shut up about it. I’m so sorry. And although the beginning of this blog is me raving about it, I wanted to write about what happens when you have to go back to reality.

After my second year at Durham, I was meant to do a year’s study abroad. Long story short, it didn’t go to plan so I decided to take the rest of the year out and spent the biggest part of it working in the French Alps. I got incredibly lucky, as the only reason I found the job was thanks to strangers on Facebook. I barely ever use the app as well. Funnily enough, the stranger who answered my desperate search for a ski season job ended up becoming a close friend.

I worked as a waitress in a chalet restaurant in a quintessential ski town called Châtel. It was unsurprisingly the best job I ever had, I loved it. We were a small team of 6, including the adored couple who owned the restaurant. We’d have amazing staff dinners every evening before our shift, cooked by the chef/owner, and end the night with a couple of drinks at the restaurant bar. We were like a little family. The regulars who’d come quickly became friends as well, and to top this all off, I would spend most of my shifts petting the owner’s dog that was always in the restaurant. I mean, come on!

They were the best 6 months of my life. I met such an incredible group of people out there, who have since become friends for life. The ease that comes with our friendship group was something I’d always wanted but never found in my first couple of years in university. We’d spend our days skiing between shifts, learning how to snowboard, indulging in crêpes or a pint. All this with a view of snowy mountains as far as the eye can see. After dinner shifts, we’d spend time together at someone’s flat or go out to the bar some of our friends worked at in. I moved there in December, when the snow first settled, and stayed on until it melted in April. I lived next to the restaurant, in the included accommodation which was a room in a châlet flat I shared with two of the girls I worked with. My bed was under a window that gave out onto snowy trees and wooden lodges, I’d fall asleep to the sound of the rushing river I lived next to. I’d never felt so happy and at peace. I never wanted to leave.

So how was I supposed to go back to university for my final year? I was lucky in that a few of my friends were coming back, so I was excited to see them but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about dropping out a few times. In all honesty, I’d been underwhelmed by my first two years of uni. I’d found my course a bit disappointing and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my degree, so the idea of returning to academia didn’t thrill me in the slightest. I was used to spending my days outside, surrounded by nature, being active and -excuse the cheesiness- feeling free. The idea of being cooped up in the Billy B, yawning over assigned reading and summatives filled me with dread.

When I left after my second year, I thought that a year later, I’d miss college bar crawls, the cosiness of a Durham cafe, beautiful walks by the river and cathedral, and be excited to go back. But in reality, as the year progressed, any thoughts of Durham would be reduced to nice memories, uni felt very much like a closed chapter of my life. Regardless, I had one more year left and in my mind, it would be a waste of money and time to not “suck it up” and get that degree.

It took a couple of weeks for it to feel less weird being back. I couldn’t help feeling like I was back in high school. That impression that I had time-travelled back to a chapter of my life that was firmly in the past. I knew I’d changed in that year out and to feel like you’re leaving behind THE year of your life, where you felt really good about what you are doing and where you are is difficult. I wasn’t ready to leave it in the past, to realise that what was an everyday reality would become cherished memories. I now accept that this is just part of life, a succession of chapters that are constantly evolving and changing. But before term started, I found it rough.

So, I made sure to keep busy. Joining my society’s exec team, becoming an editor for The Bubble, keeping on top of my work and maybe taking on a bit too much. Trying to maintain a positive mindset and focus on the things I like about university and the parts I’ll miss when reality hits after graduation. I was scared it would feel like a distant memory or a fever dream that didn’t have anything to do with me anymore, but that hadn’t happened. Every experience we cherish gets locked in as part of us and our memories, so I’ve focused on how lucky I am to have had that year out and to have met the friends I did. And now that I know what environments make me thrive, I know what to look for. I also recently booked tickets to go back during the winter break so I can’t wait to go back, even if it is for just a week.